Things I have loved, I am allowed to keep.

I have celebrated purposelessness through the many passing phases of life. It lets you be awestruck. I can't seem to finish things I start these days. If thoughts were flying butterflies I am doing a very poor job at catching them. I am not able to keep up with them. I could write poems around:  'Expectations from a mechanical friend' or 'The poems you wouldn't understand for they are in a different language'. I haven't looked carefully at joys or happiness and I haven't studied enough the many faces of it. What is there to study you may ask? Well it's hard to precisely explicate the sentiment, but there is a thing that happens to you when you learn something or discover something that you hadn't known before. Lately I have been smitten by the idea of life in the '80s. As a child I was more impressed by change and future and how we had electricity and television and how grandfather had a phone and a car. Back then in my naive world view I never thought about how would life have been in the other parts of the world. The comforting feeling about past is that everything seems under control. I envy the people who can write coherently in appropriate paragraphs, in a neat presentable formats and be aware of what not to tell and what to color. Well it is known that the Taxi drivers in London develop additional features in their brain, that allows them to keep track of the complicated streets information and it is some form of evolution. May be people do develop ancillary features that lets them catch and sort the thought butterflies better. I don't like the bustle of tomorrow all the time. I may want to go back into quietness. And now the dreams of big data and perfect harmony and better everything doesn't seem all so enticing as I already begin to miss what will not be there. Our lives are ephemeral. I used to have a hard time keeping track of flow of conversations as a child and it was an enormously taxing task; slowly I learned that trick is to ease in and let go. Another paradigm changing moment in my life was to understand that everything you need to know isn't in the books. Well all my reticent manners may perhaps impress you with the feeling that I read a lot. But no actually I am hardly reading anything at all.  I however think a lot at times, about a lot of things. And I had a hard time understanding what do people want. I don't think I have understood any better now; but I seem to have adapted better to the challenges somehow. I used to write stupid short stories that adhered to word limits! Well it helped me to unburden a little, but it ... there are just too many things and that is why I never get to complete any of the things I start these days!